


all i speak is static screams

by quinnking



Series: revival ficlets [3]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, revival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-04-26 13:25:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5006440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quinnking/pseuds/quinnking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What are you thinking about?" she asks.</p><p>He doesn't respond, not for a long time. He thinks she may have fallen asleep when he finally responds, "I'm thinking about the what if's."</p>
            </blockquote>





	all i speak is static screams

**Author's Note:**

> listen to white noise by pvirs. :)
> 
> angsty, but less so than the other two. slight happiness, actually.

_open my mouth, all that comes out, is white noise and incomprehensible sounds_ __  
  
**I**

It always starts out this way. She comes to his door, dressed in some expensive skirt suit, with red lips and bright blue eyes. She gives him a small smile, one that doesn't reach her eyes, but it's  _something_ and he's always been a sucker for her smile. 

They talk some on his couch, she's leaning close to him and he can smell her. He can smell her perfume, what shampoo she uses. It's different than it was when she lived with him, it's more bold.

She's on her second glass of wine. 

She leans in and he always meets her half way. Always. Their kisses are harsher, more anger and lust than love. He wishes he could stop, could tell her  _no,_ but if this is all he can have of her, how is he expected to decline? 

It's quick; rough and she rides him, leaving scratches on his chest, and wonders if she's aware that there are tears welled up in her eyes. Maybe that's why she keeps her eyes closed now when this happens between them.

He knows she's seeing someone else, can smell it on her sometimes when she comes by to check on him, and he so badly wants to leave a mark on her neck. On her chest. Anywhere, just in case this man gets to have this experience, so he knows that she's already in love with someone else.

Even afterward, when she turns her back from him, he still knows that she loves him. Even when she acts like she hates him, he just  _knows_ that she still loves him. You don't go through what they went through and not still love the person.

He still loves her, so much, more than anything, despite her giving up their son and leaving him. 

The moon illuminates the bedroom, giving her an almost ethereal glow. His heart clenches as he watches her. 

"I can feel you thinking," she rumbles.

He fights the urge to play coy. "Sorry." 

She turns around, holds the sheet up against her breasts. This is new. She looks tired. He's tired, too. 

"What are you thinking about?" she asks.

He doesn't respond, not for a long time. He thinks she may have fallen asleep when he finally responds, "I'm thinking about the what if's." 

"What if..."

"What if I kept my promise to you." 

She doesn't pull away, not like he thought she would. Instead, she just sits up and turns on the lamp on the bedside table. She gives him a look as she settles against the pillows, blue eyes weary. "What if you had," she murmurs, playing along. 

"Would you have left me anyway? After you diagnosed me, would you -"

"No," she cuts him off, and this is the first rise of anger she's seen since they started this discussion. "It has nothing to do with your depression. You don't think what's happened to us hasn't had some effects to my mental state?" 

 _Of course_ he doesn't think she's come out of everything unscathed. Not after all she's lost. Not after all he's caused her to lose. But she's strong. She was always stronger than him, than the average person. Too strong for her own good. Maybe that was her point. 

"It's because I know how you feel that I left, Mulder," she whispers. "I know how it feels to go into those dark thoughts, to delve too deep into them and not find a way back." Ed Jerse rings in his mind. "I know how it feels -" She swallows thickly. "I know how it feels to fight for something you've lost." 

William. They never talk about him. And he knows they're not going to start now.

"I just couldn't deal with what you brought into our home anymore. We were getting better. You swore to me that you'd stop bringing that  _shit_ into our lives, because we've both lost so much due to it. We weren't going to find answers, you knew that. You still haven't found them, Mulder." 

"I know."

They sit in silence.

"I really am sorry, Scully," he tells her. Just in case he responds. "And I really do lo-"

"I know." 

More quiet, but this time he can almost hear static. 

"I have to be up early tomorrow," she tells him cautiously. 

"I'll show you out." He gets up. 

Her fingers wrap around his arm. "Set an alarm for five," she tells him and rolls back over. 

He doesn't know what to say, so he just does as instructed and she turns the lights out as he wraps himself around her back.

She actually lets him. 


End file.
